attitude gratitude

Happy Foot

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I passed on the right in the produce department today. She was in a motorized cart with a basket on the front and doing quite well against her list for so early in the morning, I might add. I felt a little bad for passing but I have a busy life to lead with four children and one me.

I’m thankful for my feet. As I passed this thought went through my head. Now granted, I can only feel one of them. And the fact that the other sometimes doesn’t cooperate fully leading to a stumble on the sidewalk or a tumble down the stairs was not a consideration in that moment. I am so thankful for my feet.

I have MS. Or, so they believe. I cannot feel my left leg most of the time any more except for unexplainable nerve pain from the inside out. It’s numb; but it hurts. Weird. But it is what it is. I have learned to compensate and figure out my center of balance when walking. Sometimes I need to slow down a bit but, most of the time, I walk/run/sprint unassisted. And I do not take this for granted. When things are particularly bad I “surf” meaning I wobble to gain my balance when crossing unassisted between the wall…to the bed…to the desk. I imagine it makes me look sexy. (Don’t mess with my imagination, please.)

I won’t lie. There are times when it gets to me. When the kids see me struggling and I can’t do anything to shield them or when I can’t get the laundry upstairs. Once, in deep snow, when I really couldn’t lift my leg over the drifts and was afraid I might not be able to physically get to safety. Most of all, when it interferes with dancing with Padraic which we do everywhere and is something I love so much.

I know there may come a day down the road when I need to pass that other woman in a cart of my own. Then again, there may not. So, for now I will continue to go about my life, train for that 10K, and wobble a bit. It’s what I do on my happy foot.

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